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Inspiration, Living

Thirty Things I’ve Learned At Thirty

Having just entered a new decade (gulp) and come out of a pretty transformative year, I felt like it might be an apt time to list (if only for my own benefit) a few things I know to be true now that I might not have really known 10 years ago. While this is stuff we might have all read and heard before, it’s only now I really know it. Maybe some of this will resonate with you, no matter what age, and maybe there’ll be stuff you too can add in the comments…

Sidenote, this post accidentally went live unfinished the other day so apologies if you caught a glimpse of this already but please do have a proper read now if you saw it before.

1.Loving is just as important as being loved. As children and teenagers, we have to give very little love in order to receive tonnes of it back. As adults, we take that natural state to our romantic (and other) relationships and can get so preoccupied with questioning if he loves us or loves us not, or how much parents and friends are giving to us, but I’ve learnt it’s just important to question if you’re loving in the best, most compassionate way too. Love is a verb not a noun. Cheesy yes, but then maybe the best things in life are.

2, Don’t always listen to your friends. Friends are great for advice but even the best of friends can sometimes only know one side of the story. Ultimately no-one knows what goes on behind closed doors or in your heart, and sometimes you need to listen to your gut, not your best mate.

3. Mistakes are painful and brutal but can sometimes be the only way to learn life’s hard lessons. And they’ll be repeated until those lessons are truly learned.

3. The true friends aren’t always the ones who are there for you in the bad times, they’re the ones who champion you throughout the good too. Sometimes the best of friends can still relish in your down times even if it’s just because you need them more. That doesn’t make them bad people, it just means they’re acting from their place not yours. The true, good ones are ecstatic for you when it all works out.

3. Saying no is as empowering as saying yes. In every aspect of life.

4. Don’t scrimp on hair colour, hair cuts or skincare. There’s no monetary compensation for a bad ‘do and you only get one face so if you want to save the pennies, save them on makeup and clothes instead.

5. Love isn’t always enough. But it’s by far enough to put up a good fight for.

6. Sometimes your dream job ends up being one you don’t even know exists when you initially start looking for it.

7. You don’t always have to be the best to have the best time. You might be a sloppy cook or a the un-bendiest in yoga but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a great time hosting dinner or going to classes. As a recovering perfectionist, this is one I’ve really battled with over the years as my mood was so often dictated by how ‘good’ I deemed myself to be.

8. You really can’t control or change others, all you can control is how you react to them. Bite your tongue, pick your battles and don’t hold onto the bad.

9. You will never regret the money you spend on flights, but you will regret some of the money you spend on bags, shoes and everything in between. If it makes your palms sweat and you can’t bring yourself to wear it, you should probably take it back.

10. One friend doesn’t fit all. You’ll find some friends are better at different things. The friend that is great for soul-searching, universe-shattering conversations; the friend that you always make a beeline for on a dance floor; the friend that makes you laugh till you cry. Don’t resent the things certain friends can’t offer and relish what they can.

11. Be kind to yourself above all else and tell those mean little voices where to go when you’re looking in the mirror.

12. Life is short. Order the fries and have an ice cream. But eat your greens for dinner.

13. Wear SPF 50 on your face. Always, and every holiday. Trust me.

14. There’s not much a hot bath, sweet tea or an old movie can’t cure in the short term.

15. Keep friend’s secrets and try not to gossip. For your sanity as much as theirs….

16. There are no guarantees in life. Not one. Apart from maybe gravity.

17. When you start acting from a place of fear, things start heading south. Say no to things, be ok with being comfortable, but never because you’re scared of the ‘what if’.

18. The grass is greenest where you water it. Fact. Sometimes it’s right to leave your lawn and head to another, but not before watering it with all you’ve got first.

20. Life isn’t a race, even though the end of your twenties can start to feel like that… You might find yourself single when you thought you’d be getting married or still not sure what the hell you even want to do with your life when everyone else is launching start-ups and getting massive promotions. Some people just have a longer Spring than others, or a lovelier Autumn. It’s not all about the Summer years though it might appear to be right now. This is especially true if you’re an old soul FYI.

21. Be informed, not just opinionated. Take time to read the news, subscribe to The Week and explore other sides of the argument. Brexit and Trump included. Although anyone who follows me on twitter will know what side I come down on those subjects…

22. Confidence is all sexiness really is. And sometimes you really do have to pretend you’re confident on the outside before the inside catches up…

23. Remember when Rory in Gilmore Girls gets told by Logan’s dad that she doesn’t have what it takes in journalism? I’ve had a handful of people in my life who did and said similar things to me. I look back now and realise that the job I didn’t get was a blessing in disguise and the person who told me ‘writing wasn’t my forte’ was speaking from their place, not mine. I might not ever be a Pulitzer prize-winner (but you know, I also might because who the hell knows) but neither was the person who said that, and I know now that there are people out there who like my writing and can relate to it and that means that in some way, writing is and can continue to be a forte of sorts for me. Understand criticism for what it is rather than a see it as definitive piece of feedback.

24. Beware of oversharing when it comes to relationships. I have some friends I could moan at for hours about something Jamie did and they would get it, understand it and never remind me of it. Others will hold nuggets of information and pull them out months later and use them against you. Learn to avoid the latter like the plague and save your venting for the select few when you really need it. And in my experience, take anyone who doesn’t ever need to vent with a large pinch of salt….

25. Only you can make yourself truly happy. And your own ego and doubts can make you unhappier than another ever could.

26. If you don’t ask, you don’t get. If you want an apology, a hug or a discount, sometimes you really do have to ask for it.

27. Before you hold up a magnifying glass, hold up a mirror. That’s a real mantra of mine of late. And a must if you’re picky and naggy in relationships like I have a tendency to be…

28. Break-ups are the absolute pits. Having had my fair share of heartbreak and heartache, I know it can truly have a physical affect on you and turn the strongest of people into an empty wreck that is good for nothing for months. It’s a form of a grief and can really knock you sideways. One thing worth remembering is the body has no memory for pain. That’s a fact. It’s why women happily go through childbirth again. While we know it hurt, when it’s over we can’t recall or summon the actual pain hence why we’re ready to love again eventually. Be gentle with yourself, be tough on yourself when times call for it, be vulnerable and tell others what you’re going through, and know that the only people who will get it are those who have been through it. Side note, break-ups can sometimes be the best medicine for a relationship so don’t believe the whole ‘never go back’ attitude’. It’s archaic in my opinion, especially when it comes to complicated people and to me, the best people are all a little bit complicated. A wise friend once said to me relationships aren’t linear and it’s so true.

29.  Smear tests are a date worth keeping. Trust me.

30. And lastly but by no means least, age really is just a number….


Ph. sourced from Pinterest and Tumblr. 

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Comments

  • I loved this post! I have recently moved from England to Australia. Being alone over here means sometimes you just need to sit down and have a little chat with yourself or perhaps a little read of your wonderful blog. Its easy to over think things in life. Reading your blog post made me realise I need to take some time out from the worrying about what I eat and who I need to become and just focus on making myself happy.

  • Jovita Antanovich

    Love it! so many good points!

    Jovita from Black Vanilla
    http://www.b-vanilla.com

  • I end up seeing your post earlier before but have loved reading again!

    Your writing style combined with these more personal posts are always a personal favourite of mine :)

    Heather x | http://www.atelierofstyle.co.uk

  • Maria Cordoba

    Lucy, thank you! I am so looking forward to you writing in 10 years
    time, surely there will be even more wisdom after another decade. I am
    really impressed by your blog, the fashion and the inner life you are
    willing to share with us.
    I would only add to the list, I have found
    there is a place inside ourselves (close to the heart, chest, gut) that
    keeps us going, keeps us loving and being positive despite what life
    will give us. It is the beauty and mystery of life that I find every day
    worth exploring. x Happy belated birthday.

  • T.

    Love this post! I’m 35 and I find most of these lessons relevant for me!
    Btw. Happy Birthday!

  • Happy belated birthday, Lucy!

    One of these points REALLY resonated with me: “you don’t have to be the best to have the best time”. That’s such an important lesson for me to remember right now while I’m trying my hand at things, and it’s nice to shift the emphasis on to enjoying the doing of something rather than finding enjoyment in the success/output of it. Thank you for that reminder!

    Flora

    http://www.theeverchanginghome.com

  • Lovely post and so many great things shared that I totally agree with x

  • Jody Lane

    Thank you for this beautiful article. #7 especially touched me. You’ve centered me and totally made me weekend. So happy to have stumbled upon you! xo

  • Such an amazing list!! Even though I’m not 30 yet, these are still definitely some great tips to keep in mind!! Thanks for sharing babe x

    Millie
    http://queenmillie.blogspot.co.uk/2017/02/5-things-to-do-whilst-commuting.html

  • Pandora Sykes

    Knowing you IRL (as opposed to just, ‘reading you’) makes me love this post even more. Particularly love the bits about…. love. You wise old woman. (Also sorry but I just can’t do Factor 50, I JUST CAN’T DO IT.)

    • Haha. Give me a few more years and I’ll have a rocking chair and everything… And I’m such an old prune now – even in factor 50 my nose turns into a beacon! Xx

  • Bloggers Issue

    Hi lovely,

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  • Chow

    Completely agree with you, being 32 now but my thirtieth birthday was spent accepting certain truths. Although it’s harder accepting more physical elements, having to work doubly hard on those.

  • The Gold Lipstick

    Absolutely love it!

    Mireia from TGL
    https://thegoldlipstick.com/

  • I love this post! Especially the bit about friends saying you won’t make it as a writer etc. Ive got friends that have little digs about my blog because it’s not something their interested in. We’ll show them ;-)

  • Well screw that div who said that writing isn’t your forte because I’m feeling mega inspired and uplifted after reading this (although it’s definitely not MY forte, who still says ‘mega’ these days?) You’re so wise and it’s why I love your blog – obviously you dress amazingly but also I often feel like I’ve learnt something new about life without feeling like I’ve been preached at. x

    http://www.sickchickchic.com

    (Happy belated birthday btw!)

  • Meels

    Lucy this was such a lovely read xxxxx

  • Fabulous and thought evoking!

    Gemma
    http://www.fadedwindmills.com

  • OMG this post is something i feel I need to come back to. Im 23 at the moment, and going through the stage of trying to figure out my career, and who I am. But I have so many goals i want to achieve by the age of 30 and this truly resonated with me. Thank you! x

  • Susan Ray

    Wonderful post!! I would love to hear more about point 7 and how you managed to battle your way out of perfectionism. I find this a constant battle, which also effects my mood and I’m scared I’m missing out on so many things etc. allowing it to rule me x

  • Laura Rose

    love ALL these points! No. 28 is something I definitely needed to read!

    Rose and Weston x

  • N.7 makes me think about the perfectionist I’m always trying to be and there’s really no need for that at all times. Just amounting stress and negative feelings with it. An overall amazing post/life-eye-opener in how to live life <3

  • Abbie

    No.10 is the truest (especially when you reach 40) I have shared it with my friends x

  • aworkinstyle.com

    Lucy this is such a powerful post – having read it (and re-read it) I feel like it’s centered me and given me a sense of clarity and calm in what’s currently a challenging time. Life seems so complicated sometimes and it’s so hard to take a step back and look at the bigger picture but your post has helped so much. So accurate! And all my friends have felt the same – thank you for sharing Xx

  • Michou Cm

    Lucy, I utterly adore this post. This – and the gorgeous locations and all of your inspiring styles of course- but especially this, is what makes me return to you blog for years. Smart, elegant and with integrity. X.

  • tuğçe ipek

    I seriously love the post! I’m 23 and I can relate to most of them. Your posts are really inspiring..

  • This brought a tear to my eye. So many wise words, so many points that are so easy to forget when we all get caught up in self criticism and doubt. Thank you for sharing this, I love the way you write and reading your posts is a real joy.

  • harperandharley

    Loved this. xx